Sugar Coating Only Backfires

So it has been a long time since there has been an update for us. In the 5yrs since Pip and Pop came into our lives a lot has happened, a lot that I cannot even put into words, Good, Great, Bad and Downright Hellish.

So a few truth bombs:

For anyone that took hope from our blogs, I am sorry we didnt delve deeper. I am sorry that we didnt give you a more forthright and regular update on just how life was and has been until now.

Please Please if you are considering Adoption, Permanent Care, or Long Term Fostering then PLEASE look into and get educated on RAD (Reactive Attachement Disorder), and for those of you that know they are coming from a Alcohol and Drug related background also look into FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder).

Do NOT enter into this without first knowing what could and will most-likely be a big part of your life and the lives of your family. Get informed not just as individuals but also extended family.

Make sure you have STRONG supports in place around you. Ones that will be there if you call for help at 2am in the morning. Ones that will sit and listen and offer to help rather than give you reasons they are to busy, or push the blame because they didnt take the time to read up on things.
Check out around you what services there are, find out from your CPS rep what there is around you so you are not chasing after leads that go no where.

Get the details of a Child Trauma trained Psychologist and or Psychiatrist for not only the child but also yourself and pray you dont need them.

Find yourself good training in Theraputic Parenting (Standard Parenting does not work for kids with trauma).  Check out the following links for some that have saved our sanity.

http://christineparentcoaching.com/
https://www.youtube.com/user/christinemoers
Get your hands on a Copy of When Love is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting with RAD-Reactive Attachment Disorder - By Nancy L Thomas

And above anything else know that you are not to blame for the Trauma Damage that was caused before they came to you. Getting Applications in earlier, Seeking out different services, none of it would have made a difference because the kids that will come to you have to go through their own process before reaching your door.

The System INTERNATIONALLY is Broken.

And Be Brutally honest with people, dont sugar coat how things are let them know how tough it is, let your support system share in your joys and your sorrows, they need to see and hear both sides of the story not just the light and fluffy because you want to protect them.

And SELF CARE these two little words will save your sanity when applied properly. Take it, use it, and do not feel guilty. It becomes at times about self preservation. you are no good to anyone unless you look after yourself.

Next blog post will knock you off your seat and may even cause tears and shock so make sure you are sitting down with a box of tissues and your vice of choice, Chocolate works for me.

PC Order Granted and Big Journey Ahead.

Finally after all the waiting, after all the postponements the Permanent Care Order has been granted.
What this means for us as a family we can now just be a family. We can fill out forms and sign off as the parents and don't have to send it off for a department head to do so. We can get our kids hair cut without having to notify someone first.
we can move and live and breath like a normal family (even though no family is normal).
It is such a relief and a blessing to know that it is now final. The kids are both so excited because for them they now have a solid and strong knowledge that they have us forever. it is as much about their ownership over us that they now have, as it is about us being a family without question.

So for now we can start looking ahead into the future, in to trips out of the state, a home of our own and no longer a rental. and so many other blessings that were not open to us previously.

Thank you, each and every one of you for your prayerful and tangible support of the past years, it has been a long road but we finally got there.

One thing you all need to know is there is still more to come, these two are not the end of our family but the start of it, we plan on going through it all over again and growing our family bigger. the main reason for this is because we feel as a family that we want to be bigger, that others need to know and feel what it is to be in a permanent loving home where they need not fear, or worry about anything in the future. Where they can come into and learn to know and trust that they are somewhere with people who will love them forever.

so keep watching this space. I will be sharing some parenting things in the future, and will even be linking to some videos that I have decided to do on youtube to encourage others to do the same.

Much grace.

Kat

A year since the link.. where has the time gone..

We can't believe that in all honesty it has already been a year since the link was made to Pip and Pop, and we are also finding it hard to believe that is has been so long since and update.
Well here goes.
Life as parents to these precious treasures is a rollercoaster, a trampoline, and a YoYo but all those things are so fun and exciting, and scary at the same time and so is this..
Who could possibly see of understand just how much our life has grown and changed in this short year.
The kids are blossoming, they are loving having a Daddy for the first time, and we have just celebrated our first Christmas together as a family and I honestly don't know who was more excited about that.. us or the kids, or our families..
For anyone out there reading this, Don't think, don't question, don't second guess yourselves,.. This is without a doubt the singularly most terrifying and rewarding thing you could ever do in your life.. All the rest is just details..

realising how late it is I will just keep this one short, but Belated Merry Christmas and Belated Happy New Year to you all.

Love from us

The First 8 Months as a New Family.

I can honestly say this last 8 months have been some of the hardest and most rewarding and fulfilling time ever.
Our Instant little family has grown (literally the kids have both had growth spurts).
We are all settling into being together, loving each other, and learning to deal with a whole gambit of new things and emotions and situations.

But all truth be told I only wish we had gotten them sooner, for a number of selfish reasons for them and for us but I wouldn't change a thing.

these two precious little treasures have changed our life and changed our perspective on a number of different things and I am happy to say I will never be the same again.

Our life is full of mess, noise, giggles, tears, hugs, tantrums, truth, trust, and love and nothing could possibly be better than being parents, and the joy of being a mum even the instant kind has no equal.

Want to know more in-depth how things are going well sorry but I just cant say, each day is different, each situation uncharted, each joy greater than the last.

If you are contemplating becoming a parent through permanent care I can only say trust what your heart is telling you if it says to do it, then do it you wont look back.


Much love and grace to you all

Kat xx

FIRST EASTER

So its been 6 weeks now as parents and this is our First Easter where the mystery of the Easter Bunny has been able to start in our house.. and it was fantastic!!
These past weeks have been such a wirlwind with Kindy and School and all of lifes little joys and trials entertwined ..

Pip & Pop enjoyed their first family easter egg hunt and are still slowly munching their way through the treasures, and right now are having fun running around Granma and Grampas house playing.

The joy that overflows can not be expressed in these few short words but for those who are parents you will understand, and for those who are celebrating Easter and the blessing of Jesus Christ you will understand how interesting it is discussing it with Children, but we are facing the added discussions of why and who Jesus is with Pip & Pop who previously have had no faith impacting in their lives before coming into ours..

Anyway I am going to go run off and play tiggy with my kids now who are blowing away on harmonicas and enjoy the remains of the day catching up with other family as well..

Much love and grace to you all and a very Happy Easter to you all.

Kat xx

blog title changed yipeee... and where we are so far

So we are off and racing into parenthood..
Loving having Pip and Pop at home with us and finally being able to settle into family life which seems to be happening quite well so far.. I will not deny that the first week saw a number of issues surface quickly but we are both so glad that things have now calmed down..

We are both enjoying being parents and are treasuring every laugh and every tear as it comes like precious jewels.

So many things to try to express and yet no words can compare to the feelings and experiences, it really is quite unique..

much grace

xx

Transition

What a roller coaster of emotions these past almost 4 weeks have been..
From the initial transition planning meeting to - Meeting our precious Pip & Pop!
Spending time with them and getting to know there little likes and dislikes, and we are sure there will be more..
Hearing them call us Mummy and Daddy! this has a level of emotion that can not be quantified.
Laughing and crying with them.
and oh so much more....
it really is an inexplicable scenario to try to share..
And it is an experience that those that have gone through it would agree, no matter what they faced they would do it again.. because we all know as parents who cherish the lives entrusted to us,...
                                                     We would do anything for our kids.

(Kat) With the added emotion of my mum  passing in the second week it really has been a mixture of both great joy and great sadness..

As life moves along though we look forward to the end of the main part of the transition, the final hand over and those two precious angels coming into our home and lives forever..

its only a matter of days now before this takes place, and the anticipation surrounding this high.

we look forward to changing our blog title from I'm pregnant too...... to I was pregnant too...

Much love Kat

LINKED LINKED LINKED LINKED

OMGoodness it happened, the link day has come and Gone and we have been matched!! Hallelujah!!

The overwhelming joy that has struck us both and our family has been amazing and we some humbled by the amazing blessing that is being poured out on us.

For future reference to the kids we have decided for their privacy to be called Pip and Pop...

That's right I did say kids, a sibling group to be exact. :)

Such precious little angels that are to be called our own, that will be with us in their "forever family"

There are no words to explain the excitement, anticipation, joy, love, and everything else that is going on right now, and we have not even met these two little treasures yet.

We have seen photos and now know their names, and some more specifics about them and all I can say is the only way is up from here..

Thank you all for your love and prayers and support these past few days, we are grateful beyond words.

We will keep you updated as things progress, and as we begin our lives together in this new forever family.

Much love and Grace
Kat xx

Nesting....:Waiting for the link

Sorry for not updating in a while, we had hoped to have a major and exciting update to go in here before Christmas but alas it was not meant to be so we are starting the new year afresh.

We hope and pray you have all had a wonderful Christmas, and that you are blessed with a safe and joyful New Year for 2013..
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Nesting.. a term I hear quite a bit from others that are pregnant during the last trimester, and one I often dreamed of for the few angels that never made it that far.. Well it seems Nesting can happen no matter what way you become a parent...

Matt will happily tell you that I have been "nesting" this last week while we wait for our link date.
I have been busily washing everything in sight, vacuuming every surface including the curtains and couches... and when it seemed there was little I could do in the house today I took to pruning back wayward bushes at the front of our house with the inclination that I just want them gone and to plant smaller ones that are easier to care for.. but I showed restraint because I need to check first.. (oh the trials of renting and having to ask for permission to do so.)

Aside from this excessive use of the word cleaning or nesting I have been in a bit of a haze and a dream world as to what we should and can do next..

You see my dear friends there is only so much you can do..

Not knowing exactly what size clothing a child might be wearing is a challenge, because if you buy things in one size that happen to be to small you are either stuck with the option of returning them, or giving them to someone else who has a bubby that will grow into them; neither of these options am I enthusiastic about. the alternative is the clothes are to big, which might mean you have a lot of clothing that resembles potato sacks because of its large size.. but at least in that instance you have the chance that they will grow into the right size...
so anyway the clothing purchasing has been limited to knickers, socks, jocks, and singlets until we know what size to actually purchase..

Not knowing what colour is their favorite (as they are of an age to make that choice) is a challenge because if we start buying things but they have an avid hatred of the colour we think might suit we are again faced with what to do with said objects.. so each area has been limited...

With all the back to school and post Christmas toy sales on we have been in the uniquely challenging position of not being able to buy anything because the unknown is out of our control..
and if I had bought anything I can assure you that the amount would have been greater than the need...

And all of these "what ifs'" becomes a mute point if the Link doesn't go ahead, and if we have to wait for another opportunity...

Because unlike a pregnancy, where you can almost assume that so close to the end once you've nested it wont be long till you have a treasure to hold in your arms, in our case there is no certainty.
I can nest until the cows come home but it wont be of any use if it doesn't happen..

There is so much hope, love, compassion, understanding, and so much muchness going on its hard to hold it back and reserve it in case it doesn't happen.
Its almost a fear of excitement if you can understand that.. we want to be excited we want to yell from the rooftops and sky-write it for the world to see, but we can't because we still don't know, and it may not happen this time..

So getting out of the waiting and the hoping and the roller-coaster chatter for a moment..

We have a link tomorrow.. one we are both very positive about, one that we hope dearly will all come together easily.. It is already looking to feel like the longest day of our lives till we find out about 2 little treasures..  one way or another we will know something tomorrow.. my heart is speaking positive loving thoughts to me.. almost like its my mum reassuring me.. and my head is being all kinds of rational and diplomatic about the whole decision that is yet to be made..

We have been counting down sleeps this past 2 weeks until we find out and in all honesty I don't think I'll sleep at all tonight.. I don't think its even close to possible..
My mind is filled with prayerful thoughts and anticipation for Matt and I , for the Children, for the panel making the decision  for the fostercarer and all they might be feeling, and for the birth parents and what they might be going through..

Please if you are inclined, send out loving thoughts and prayers, and be assured that we are sending happy thoughts and prayers to you too...

Much Grace

Kat.. xx

Consider This...

(to those who have children)
(From Kat)
Consider this.. The gift of a life being bought into this world because of the Plan God has made, and the love you and your 'spouse' have shared together is a beautiful and treasured gift..
To those of you whom have been so blessed in your life to experience being a natural parent I send you much grace and love and joy in both thought and prayer because it is a reality we may never see but one I am happy to rejoice with you in.

We consider this...

The opportunity and decision to parent alternatively, to seek outside of ourselves to complete our family, not just with 'fur' kids but with children who deserve to have a stable, loving, caring family to be part of; this is something that we have chosen to do.

For anyone who is only just reading this blog for the first time, I encourage you to go back to the beginning, and read our journey so far, it has been filled with joys, and sorrows, with struggles, and with peace.
As we sit back in this place in our journey, considering all that may be ahead, we have been set on a course of reflection over how we got to this point, and what tugged at our hearts to make us consider permanent care and adoption.

We both admit it did start out a little idealistic, and at the same time quite painful. Since being approved at the start of the year we have had a lot of time to consider and reflect on what the possible link outcomes could be. And most recently we have had an extra boost of thoughts on more serious problems that might be faced, not just by us, but by our children in their life up to the point when we finally meet.

For the adoption side, there is less fear around what they may have gone through especially at such an early age, but for permanent care there is definitive trauma that they would have faced.

This could be possible damage and issues in gestation due to drug and alcohol abuse,   neglect, to abuse of any type from birth or in early development, these children are faced with a number of things before they even have a chance... At a time in their lives when they should be happy, safe, loved, they have not.

For those of you who know us well, you will know that this is something we fight for, for all kids no matter what age. And in all honesty it is one of the main reasons we chose this path. forgetting all the medical and hostile uterus issues, it was because we want to be parents, we want to raise our children (however they come to be in our life) in a loving safe environment and permanent care is for kids who need what we are wanting to give.

Please I urge you if you are considering adoption, don't limit yourself to infants, consider older kids even up to 5yrs, because those babies grow up, and they will need you and love you (hopefully) at any age,...


.......................................................................................

We have now met with our new caseworkers in our new area, and we are hopeful and optimistic that we are in the right place at the right time where God wants us to be, for the family he has planned for us.

Praying you are all well, and that God is blessing you richly.

Kat

Transferring and Waiting

Hi Everyone it has been far to long since my last post on here..

Matt and I have had to relocate for work down towards Melbourne, which is a blessing because the home we have moved into is in much better condition, and we feel like it is our home..
Also because Matt has chosen to change his field of work and started a bakery apprenticeship  which he is thriving in.. I have been doing some temp work to keep the funds coming in until I have something permanent..

Unfortunately this means we have to take the good with a little bad, a delay that we now face while our records are transferred to a new team because we have moved out of the area of responsibility for the other team.. which really bites to be honest because we really appreciated our caseworker and the support of the entire team, they were fantastic.

So now as we wait for news from the new agency, and what we may need to do, we'll both focus on work..
Also we need to seek out a new home church as there is no Salvation Army located in our town.. it may mean travel but it also may mean changing to a different church with a night service so that Matt can attend with me..

Please keep us in your prayers during this time of transition and unknown.

We pray you are all well, and safe, and loved.

Much Grace

Kat

Approved and waiting

Well I appologise but here is a well overdue update..
Our Application has been approved, and we are now on the registry for Adoptions and Permanent Care..
thank you all for your prayers and support this far..
Approval went through on the 19th of March and now we are living each day in hope of a phone call..

Right now I am keeping busy sewing and working, and Matt is keeping occupied on holidays at home..
each day we get a little more anxious, but we know God has all the plans ready to fall into place in His timing, and we are just resting in His love and grace and strength..
hope you are all well and that we will have more to report soon

Love and prayers Kat

Watching a kettle boil

Something I hope I should not need to explain but I will anyway..
We are watching the kettle boil, waiting patiently for it to finish this cycle so we can start making the cup of tea/coffee/milo..

I know it might sound a little strange refering to all this like we're making a cuppa but it kind of is like making a cuppa..


We flipped the power switch back in July 2011 and started the process..

Now we are just waiting for the process to go through, we are waiting for the kettle to finish boiling..


we keep topping up the kettle with hopes and dreams and wishes which I honestly believe we wont fun out of..

it wont be long now we hope till we have an answer to our application..

don't know where you are on your travels, don't know if you are waiting too, but we pray that what ever is going on in your lives you will have the strength and hope to follow it through

Much love and grace

Kat

Going through the motions...

So here in limbo land we are going through the motions of our current everyday life... Patiently waiting and hoping for a big tick of approval followed by a phone call that says "we have a match for you.. Would you like to here some details about your kids".

The simple truth is unless you are walking this path it's very hard to grasp exactly what is going on and what you have to go through... No where else in the world do they ask for reference checks, financial capabilities, or look into your background before agreeing to let you have your own biological child... And I guess that us the real truth of it all ... We are in a position with one of us having a hostile uterus and non-compliant ovaries and the other having a not so healthy count and this path, this choice to go through adoption, and or permanent care has been left to us as one of our only options..

It's been such a long time since anyone has questioned it all, i was a little taken back the other day when someone did...

For us the "heart hoping pregnant" it's something we must face each day..
For most of us it isn't a continual battle to defend our position but for those who are just stepping upto and through the door that leads down this path, my thoughts and prayers go out to you... And I pray that you have a strong foundation of support that is there to stand with you no matter what comes ahead...

For right now back to do some dream washing ... You know the kind where you wish it was little socks, tops, and bits and pieces you were hanging out to dry..

Much grace

Kat xx

Yes there has been a name change

We have changed.... The blog name..
We thought it made a little more sense and was a little more fun and less analytical
We are now on the adoption and permanent care list..

You see, silly us didn't realise we could be on both lists so now we are .

It's all very exciting and our dreams have just expanded to the idea of having a little baby possibly...

So as we wait and see and explode from excitement and hope that overwhelms us, we hope you will pray with us for God to guide us in all things ..

Fingers Crossed its the Last Christmas...

I am still hoping all of you have had a joyful Christmas, surrounded by and shared with loved ones.

We celebrated our two family Christmas's this year and I have to admit something felt a little odd.
As we sat around sharing in so much Christmas Cheer, both Matt and I both felt a little confused and not quite complete.
As we spoke that night on Christmas Day, and came to the same conclusion, we were missing our kids.

By this early stage in our marriage we had both assumed we would be parents, watching our kids opening presents, and them being more amused by the paper and the boxes than the presents.
Or maybe it would be us opening gifts for one yet to be born.

As we sat there over the Two celebrations, watching our dear nieces and nephews playing together, and opening their gifts; we looked in hope at what our kids might be doing, playing Cricket in the park,
running around the playground, having a Nerf War, hugging loved ones.

While we wait for these next few weeks to pass so we can undertake our interviews and assessments, all we can do is hope and dream and keep our fingers crossed.

Hope that all goes smoothly, and that permission is granted and we are approved. Fingers crossed that there are no hickups and that this time next year we will be celebrating Christmas as a Family with our child or children.


Our interviews and assessments are the next big step, one that we are both keenly aware will have a big impact on our application, as always though in all things we pray and leave it in Gods hands.

Pray that he is opening the doors, and preparing not only us but, the child or children who will be coming into our lives, the BParents who are having to relinquish their kids, the Foster Family that will be caring for them, and the workers who take each step with caution to make sure the right match is made.
In all things we pray and we ask that you will pray with us too.

It is coming up to the end of the year and 2012 promises to be a great one with lots of fun and excitement.
I hope you are well, and that you are blessed richly in the year to come

Kat xx

4 Sleeps and many dreams

Today has been spent baking goodies to give as presents this year, and sewing up a storm for a little niece of ours. During today Matt and I have both been dreaming of so many things.

Today while being all creative I caught myself dreaming of kids running around the house and out in the yard, visions that verged of memories of making a floury mess in the kitchen as rolled out the cookie dough to be cut with cookie cutters and then baked leaving a warm and comforting smell of chocolate and cinnamon through the house.

And while sewing up little outfits for a loved ones little girl, I could not help but dream of making them for our own kids.  These dreams and thoughts now see to be so close and so tangible now as we edge towards Christmas and on into the new year of 2012.

Matt came to me a couple of times and helped where he could, telling me rather giddily hey we could do this with our kids, and how he saw some bright coloured kids utensils in the shops the other day and how we could get some of them so they had their own to use.
As I completed each little outfit it went from a "oh I like that fabric" earlier on in the day to "those look wonderful, you could make some like those for our kids".  my response was well maybe but would have to change the fabric and pattern  for a boy because I am not so sure they would want pretty pink flowers or a dress to wear.

The Truth of it all is, we have been dreaming a lot of late, and even more so the closer we get to Christmas.
Dreaming of :
Letters to Santa being written and sent out.
A Family Decorated tree, surrounded by presents and stockings waiting to be filled.
Sweet sleeping children tucked up in bed after a day of school or play.
A countdown to Christmas in sleeps with activities to whittle the time away.
Making and decorating Gingerbread men and cookies together.
Sitting around in the lounge room on Christmas Eve, reading the real story of Christmas and Jesus Birth.
Starting up so many of our own Christmas Traditions as a family

O so very many dreams to look forward to :)

It is our hope and our belief that once they come into our homes and our lives, no matter what thier previous experience of this time of the year has been in the past that they will come to love it, to celebrate it, to enjoy it and find peace.
Christmas is a time to feel love, to share love, and to give love.

Just in case I don't make it back on here before then, I hope and pray that each and everyone of you is blessed richly this Christmas with joy that overflows, with love the fills your heart and home, and with peace as we finish this year and begin a new.

Merry Christmas Everyone, and a Safe an Joyful New Year for 2012.
God Bless
Much Grace

Kat xx

Tis the Season to Be Jolly while we wait for you

Well we are now at the start of December 2011.

This past month has been something of a whirl wind for us, not quite sure where the month has gone really.
We celebrated the marriage of one of my dearest and closest friends in the middle of the month, and I felt so truly blessed to be part of that special day.  This are slowly kicking along.

It is the start of December and we have put up our Christmas Tree, and some decorations, and have even started to organise Christmas this year with our families.
And as we sit here this afternoon we wonder about our kids; what you are doing, are you playing, are you safe, what do you like, what do you wish Santa would bring you for Christmas, do you already know about the first Christmas?.. all these things and more are running through our minds, along with, when will we finally meet you, what will you look like,  do you like to do the things we hope you will ??

We set up the tree, and have placed presents underneath so you know we have been thinking of you.. while the presents contain our love, our hope, our support, and our care in all things, rather than toys and games. we look forward to filling your life with these things and the presents follow.

We have just been assigned our Case Worker and look forward to meeting with her in January, because it will be one step closer to our Kid/s coming home..

hoping you are all well, much love and grace to you all
Kat

WOW November already

ok my deepest apologies for not updating this blog sooner, I honestly had not realised time had passed so quickly since my last entry..

so there are lots of things that have been happening,
Matt and I have both been busy at work, Matt more than myself, but we have both been getting active and enjoying being part of our local community more and more.

This past fortnight an Uncle of mine returned home for his eternal reward. I mention my uncle because he was an amazing man, he and his wife who have now both passed on are  and have been an amazing influence in my life, and especially now. You see, for over 40 years they were foster parents and adoptive parents.
their grace and love and giving spirits were and still are amazing and precious gifts that they shared openly.
Our hope is that when the time comes, when we are old and grey and called home that our loved ones will see is in this same light, with love and grace and care.

We have completed and submitted our life stories and medicals and all our current references are in too.
I have to say, those life stories while it looked like a simple task to complete before we started, it was far from it.  Those questions did exactly what they were meant to do, they gave us the time to look at ourselves at our own life and make sure that we knew we were ready.
if you are at this stage in your own application I have only one bit of advice, take your time, this is not a race its a marathon. Take the time to really consider and answer all of the sections properly, the end result once completed is so worth the wait and the time it takes to complete it.

so now we sit back and wait again. the next few weeks and few months will be more than a little interesting we're sure.
I am off on a weekend adventure with a dear friend to check out some Horse related bits soon, a dear friend of mine is getting married not long after that and I have been asked to be a matron of honour, mum is hopefully going to make it through her 71st birthday, and then we are into December.. will do my all to keep this up and running a little more regularly. over the coming weeks
hope you are all well
Kat xx

Watch this clip, and open your hearts

during our Education Sessions we were presented with the following clip, it is reasons like the ones expressed in this clip that we know we are on the right path, and know that this is where God has prepared for us to go.

I suggest to any one of you who are watching this to have the tissues ready, to have your hearts and minds open to what you read and hear.  If Adoption or Permanent Care or Foster Care is something you are considering watch this first.